Something I did not really realize was how much dating has changed over the years. For me, it has always been pretty normal to simply hang out with a bunch of friends all the time. People in my high school were either "dating," which basically meant being with one other person, or did not really go on dates. We had high school dances where people would ask each other out in a big way and then go on an extravagant sometimes significantly expensive date before going to the actual dance. On top of that, we would typically ask a friend or someone we already knew fairly well so we would feel more comfortable and not awkward. Other than these dances, going on dates- especially with a lot of different people- was not a frequent occurrence. I did not really think much of it until I came to college and everyone was asking everyone on dates. I did not think it was weird but it was just a different atmosphere than I was used to.

When we "hang out" with each other or solely participate in group activities, there is no commitment or connection involved. Dates are meant to be planned, paid for, and paired off. Hanging out is typically unplanned, casual, or sometimes in a group setting. We skip out on a lot of opportunities when we do not get to know one another through dating. I myself, get nervous going on a date with someone I don't know but that is the whole point of dating! Getting to know someone! Ideally, dating, (going on a bunch of dates with different people to get to know them and discover qualities you would like to have in a spouse or have yourself along the way), should be followed by courtship. Courtship is basically what I referred to previously as "dating" when I discussed what I experienced in my high school. It is exclusively going on dates with one person and usually includes defining the relationship. After a successful and progressive courtship, the couple may choose to be engaged and then married. These are the steps to a more successful relationship where both people are able to sufficiently know each other- at least enough to have faith and make the commitment.

While discussing all this in one of my classes, I was also introduced to the Relationship Attachment Model, also known as RAM. The model shows a healthy way to develop a relationship that prevents things from escalating in a way that could in fact be detrimental to the relationship. The model suggests knowing the person is the most important step in the beginning. Then comes a trust which strengthens the relationship and then allows reliance on one another. Following reliance comes a commitment and then touch. Touch is last in this model because the more you touch, the more sense of belonging you feel- whether in a good situation or bad. It is important to demonstrate restraint when it comes to touch, as the relationship could turn into more of a lust and even progress in an unhealthy way. Whenever I begin having relationships, I hope to follow this model in an effort to cultivate a healthy, righteous relationship.

All the things I have learned so far are so valuable to me. I hope with all this information and self reflection, I will be able to better prepare myself for the significant life events that will come in the future, such as finding a spouse, getting married, developing my marriage, having children, raising my children, and creating a home filled with love and the Spirit with my eternal companion.