We discussed a little on communication last week but as I have said previously, I believe communication is one of the most important elements of any relationship. Therefore, I wanted to convey its importance even further, as well as describe some techniques that can significantly improve a relationship.
A lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, unsaid feelings, or contention. I have witnessed in my own family a fairly significant lack of communication which has driven some family members apart, making it difficult to feel the Spirit in our home. Sometimes people just do not want to talk. So what do you do when someone refuses to communicate or open up? Let us begin with another valid question: what are the reasons for someone to not open up? Perhaps he or she has a fear that the other person will not understand where they are coming from, or maybe fears being judged. Perhaps the person does not feel they can trust or feel comfortable around the person they do not want to open up to. Perhaps they just need to gather their thoughts and do not know what to say or how to appropriately discuss a disagreement without becoming irritable, heated, or frustrated. They could experience a lack of desire to be vulnerable, concerned the other person will react badly if they tell them. Perhaps they simply believe "it just will not help" or it will backfire and they want to avoid the conflict altogether.
The most important thing you can do for someone unwilling to open up is demonstrate great empathy towards them. Empathy is defined as the ability to support or understand someone else's feelings. It does not necessarily mean you share those same feelings, however you are able to support or comfort them regardless. Multiple Choice Empathy is a strategy people can use to display empathy towards another. Thought empathy consists of asking yourself, "what have they said already?" Taking into account the words they used and how they said them can help you determine how to react in a way that shows you care and are listening. Feeling empathy is trying to understand what they may be feeling and why they may be feeling that way.
Now effective communication can be conduced into five general steps one can use after a conversation goes poorly. The first step is the disarming technique. Try to find the kernel of truth in the conversation, among any hurtful words or points you believe the other person incorrectly accused you of or labeled the situation as. This can be difficult as you may need to take a moment to realize the actual truth of the matter, viewing it from a different perspective than your own. Then you convey that truth to the other person. Next, express empathy in the way we discussed previously. Following empathy, inquire how the person feels and what caused them to feel that way. Matching their tone will also help them feel you are being genuine and desire to support them. The forth step is explaining how you feel about the situation. Step five is "stroking" or conveying warmth to them to show you want to help them and work things out. It may prove very effective to write these steps out after a conversation or argument that does not go well. Write down how you initially wanted your words to come across, what you actually said, and what you believe you should say instead. This can turn around a negative situation and improve the relationships you have significantly. It may take practice, patience, and humility, but it will definitely be worth it.
A lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, unsaid feelings, or contention. I have witnessed in my own family a fairly significant lack of communication which has driven some family members apart, making it difficult to feel the Spirit in our home. Sometimes people just do not want to talk. So what do you do when someone refuses to communicate or open up? Let us begin with another valid question: what are the reasons for someone to not open up? Perhaps he or she has a fear that the other person will not understand where they are coming from, or maybe fears being judged. Perhaps the person does not feel they can trust or feel comfortable around the person they do not want to open up to. Perhaps they just need to gather their thoughts and do not know what to say or how to appropriately discuss a disagreement without becoming irritable, heated, or frustrated. They could experience a lack of desire to be vulnerable, concerned the other person will react badly if they tell them. Perhaps they simply believe "it just will not help" or it will backfire and they want to avoid the conflict altogether.
The most important thing you can do for someone unwilling to open up is demonstrate great empathy towards them. Empathy is defined as the ability to support or understand someone else's feelings. It does not necessarily mean you share those same feelings, however you are able to support or comfort them regardless. Multiple Choice Empathy is a strategy people can use to display empathy towards another. Thought empathy consists of asking yourself, "what have they said already?" Taking into account the words they used and how they said them can help you determine how to react in a way that shows you care and are listening. Feeling empathy is trying to understand what they may be feeling and why they may be feeling that way.
Now effective communication can be conduced into five general steps one can use after a conversation goes poorly. The first step is the disarming technique. Try to find the kernel of truth in the conversation, among any hurtful words or points you believe the other person incorrectly accused you of or labeled the situation as. This can be difficult as you may need to take a moment to realize the actual truth of the matter, viewing it from a different perspective than your own. Then you convey that truth to the other person. Next, express empathy in the way we discussed previously. Following empathy, inquire how the person feels and what caused them to feel that way. Matching their tone will also help them feel you are being genuine and desire to support them. The forth step is explaining how you feel about the situation. Step five is "stroking" or conveying warmth to them to show you want to help them and work things out. It may prove very effective to write these steps out after a conversation or argument that does not go well. Write down how you initially wanted your words to come across, what you actually said, and what you believe you should say instead. This can turn around a negative situation and improve the relationships you have significantly. It may take practice, patience, and humility, but it will definitely be worth it.
Comments
Post a Comment